Sick days for people pleasers...

          So, I am a self proclaimed people pleaser.  This is a great struggle in my life, and makes me seek out approval, and keeps me from taking care of myself.  Every time I get caught in the trap of people pleasing it comes at a cost usually to myself.  So, two weeks ago when we got the FLU, I can not begin to explain the internal struggle that happens when I can not do the things I plan to do.  I have the overwhelming since of responsibility in everything I do.
           So, Ellie and I were to first to get it, I was out a full week of work, she was out a full week of school, Johanna got it Tuesday, and was out the rest of the week. Thursday, Grandpa joined us.  Sunday it was Leroy's turn.  Monday came and the girls were feeling better and fever free. I was fever free but super congested so I drugged myself up and off we went.  I made it through most of this week, with the meds every 6 hours, and decongestion meds and hot tea, in the home run stretch, I knew I was feeling worse by the day, fighting the fever, head, ear and chest pressure.  Got through Thursday, called the the Dr. had an important meeting after school, took girls home took my temperature 101, got into comfy clothes, headed back to school, for my meeting.
          For those of you that know parts of my life story, I have dealt with a lot of chronic infection, so when I get sick it is very scary for me.  So, knowing that I was at this point was dealing with an infection-ears, sinus, chest, sends me into freak out mode.  I get back to school, in tears and am sent home.  Oh, the shame, I am not superwomen, I am embarrassed, frustrated and freaking out.  I head to my Dr office, yet again where as I a waiting to be seen, they gracious inform me that they have already called in a prescription- ANTIBIOTICS, this is like a bad word for me.
        What do I do? I had made it eight months without antibiotics, without infection, a miracle.  I do not want to take anything away from what the Lord has done for me in healing my body.  I cry, I pray, I seek out women to pray for me, I cry again and I take the Antibiotic, and go to bed.  I wake up physically feeling awful, but emotionally feel the overwhelming peace of JESUS, and Good Friday, what a perfect day to be restored emotionally to the Lord, the physical healing will come.  This to shall pass, I realized taking the antibiotic was circumstance: it in no way takes away what the Lord did in my life.  The words I felt like the Lord was saying was do not apologize you have done nothing wrong.  It seems I could translate this to all areas of this week.  The Lord is so gracious with me, He loves me like a father, saves me from myself, and  kindly reminds me to be a Jesus pleaser.  Healing is such a complex process, I have learned that the Lord is always healing parts of us, restoring us to HIM.