Facing the giants

Ellie started volley ball a few weeks ago and it has been such an interesting process. It's just volleyball right, oh, so you say. Her coaches played themselves, their kids are on the team. The girls are at least 1ft taller or 1-2years older than Ellie or have played before. So, the first practice arrived, Ellie was so excited, she boldly walked in only to be completely shocked, (Leroy was also overwhelmed) but she got through practice only to burst into tears as soon as she got home. Stating that she "sucked" and that she did not want to play. What is a mom to do? Protect her, love her and reassure her that it will be OK. After she went to bed, I began to pray for her, I asked the Lord to teach her determination through volley ball, to give her confidence to try, and to give me courage to trust the process. When your children are vulnerable you want so badly to protect them. I realized that pushing her to continue volley ball was protecting her, I was allowing a very controlled process to grow her. So, the plan- we went the next day and got her some knee pads and a new volleyball, we solicited friends and family who have played in the past to encourage her and we made it to the next practice. Low and behold she did much better, she came home so excited. Then came the first game, honestly I was more nervous than her, it was very intimidating. She did great, her team mates are so encouraging, her coaches are intense, but kind and they actually did really good. I found myself on the verge of tears a few times as she so intensely folded her hands ready for anything that came at her. When it was all over I was so proud of her, not because she made the game winning point but because she tried and that is the much greater life skill. Who knows, maybe she will be an amazing volleyball player someday, maybe not, but she faced a giant in her life. Determination is such a valuable character trait, it separates the good from the great. So, what I take a way from volleyball is no matter what it is in life that you face do it with determination, take courage with you and don't loose heart.

And time just keeps moving us forward....

I am so frustrated with myself and not updating our blog more often. Not that I have millions of followers, but simply for the fact that it make me sit down and reflect. This blog helps me to document our life. Wow, in the last few months so much life has happened, I am not sure where to start. Since my last entry was about the 1 year anniversary of my Dad's death I will begin there. We had a wonderful time in Orcas Island, the whole family was together, the weather was awesome, windy stormy and rainy at night and cloudy and dry during the day. The kids played outside the whole time as if it where summer. It was a great time of togetherness, sorrow and fun. Just what we needed to do, to celebrate Dad, and Lord willing will be a family tradition. Other exciting events, Ellie got baptized- she made the decision all by herself and it was so amazing to watch the Lord guide her through the process, I am so excited to watch the Lord guide her life. We had Leroy's
35th, Ryan's 3rd, Johanna's 5th, Jake's 1st, Grandpa's 86th, Ellie's 8th and Rex's 29th birthdays-that is alot of birthdays, a trip to Mt. Baker on spring break, Brian and Stacy announced they are having a girl in November, I got a new job, and LOVE IT, the vegetable garden was planted and is doing great, we got a new bunny named Ginger, and 6 new chickens in the spring, they are really funny and should be laying eggs soon, another Fathers day passed like a dagger in our hearts, some fun day trips, the picture above was just a few days ago on the top Chinook Pass-we went to check out all the snow left in July and it was alot, VBS camp for the girls, and the list goes on. Like I said lots of life has happened and painfully I have to admit that time does heal wounds. I remember when my Dad first died people would say-"It gets better with time" After coming out of the year mark I would say that it that it does not get better, you just learn to do life again and time just keeps moving us forward. So, you adjust, you change, you grow in ways that you never could imagine. Some of my biggest personal changes has been that I have learned that Life is meant to be lived. Relationships are the most valuable asset you receive, the little stuff matters, be kinder than necessary, practice gratefulness, Choose quality whether it be time spent, relationships, or good chocolate- you are worth it. So, as I listen to my kids play with their Dad, enjoying the carefree summer day I am thankful for the crazy, fun roller coaster ride called life.

A whole year....

In 2 days it will be a whole year since my Dad's death. I can hardly believe that I have lived a whole year of my life with out him. So much has happened, major life events that I have to tell myself he was not apart of. This last year has been a year of great pain, growth, change, and restoration. I can honestly say that at the end of the day- I am proud of myself and my family. We have lived the last year with grace, and unity. We have taken care of each other, it always seemed as if there was always an emotional balance, when someone was having a hard day, there was someone to carry them, cry with them or just hug them. There is this song that came out just before my Dad died and there are a few lines that have profoundly encouraged me through this year "love will hold us together, make us a shelter to weather the storm and I will be my brothers keeper so the whole world will know that we are not alone...this is the first day of the rest of your life, and even in the dark we can still see the light, it is going to be alright, it is going to be alright..." I know now that it is going to be alright, that the Lord's grace is sufficient, that love holds all things together. My Dad would be so proud!!! I often wonder if I could have one more moment with my Dad, what I would say or do but the truth is I would change nothing about my last interactions with him, my last meal with him was spaghetti at my house, my last phone call was hours before he died, my last words were "have fun on your hike and I love you." I am blessed.

Fall Happenings....

Our first family photo session, full of blessing, the girls had so much fun doing these pictures, and the photographer was amazing and they turned out so good and the best part was that it was a gift!!

Wow, the weather is changing, the days are shorter, and the colors are amazing. I LOVE fall! We are in full swing of life, the girls are loving school. Elisha or Ellie as she is going by this year is meeting the challenges of being in a split class with such determination, she loves being with the older kids. She has made some amazing friends and is turning into such a lady. Johanna grows taller every day and is loving preschool. She is a joyful reminder to slow down and pick up leaf's or look for wishing stars. I am still out of work with health problems, trying my hardest to have a good attitude and keep pressing forward-trusting that the Lord wants to heal me and His timing will be perfect. The great blessing has been being home with my kids. I feel like this a great time for me to prioritize my life and truly find my identity in Christ, being a wife and a mom. As the holidays get closer I am worried how we will do things with out my Dad. I really miss him, and the change of season seems to be the hardest, he loved the fall and winter. He loved to watch the snow line move down the hill, to be snuggled at home with his family. So, I find myself watching the snow line, smiling more when it "rains so hard it's like a cow pissing on a flat rock" or just taking time to remember Him. I am learning so much during this season about letting go, trusting the Lord and loving people. "Trust in the Lord and He shall make your path straight, though you will stumble you will not fall for the Lord will hold you up with His hand."

Family Pictures

So, after my Dad died we had such an overwhelming out pouring from the community. One of the teacher at Elisha's school gave us a certificate to get some family pictures done and I can not even begin to say what a blessing it was. We have never done family pictures!!! I found the cutest outfits for the girls and then Leroy and I codinated colors we were set-until the day of the pictures the photographer called to cancel due to the weather. I was so sad because we were dressed and ready to go. So in the spirit of being flexable we took some pitures outside at the house and rescheduled for Monday... So enjoy the pictures....

Coming out of the Fog....

This last year has been one of great trial, sadness, sickness, and change only to lead us back to the place we never intended to leave-the Lord's perfect grace. It is amazing how easy it is to fall away, to be overwhelmed by circumstances, distracted by poor health, consumed with sadness. As, I reflect on the last year I am amazed to be breathing still. In one short year, we have been pregnant, experienced a miscarriage, lead a ministry and stepped away from a ministry,had continued on going heath issues, experienced the death of a parent suddenly, moved, lived with my entire family(compound living), changed jobs, changed schools, changed churches, tried to sell a house, let go of that same house, been out of work, and the list goes on.... I have been thinking a lot about the last year and all of its moments and the only honest reflection that I have is that life continued to happen and that through this season, despite my rotten attitude at times the Lord never left me. When I cried he caught my tears; when I pushed people away, he understood; when I left a whole life behind to be with my family, He blessed me; He gave me grace when I deserved none, He showed me mercy when I had none to offer. He showed me love when I was unlovable. He walked beside me when I needed a friend, in front of me when I needed a father, behind me when I thought I would fall and he carried me when I could not walk. In the deepest parts of my sorrow, the valley floors of this last year, Jesus was there with me. As I come out of the valley, I have learned so much, as the fog lifts, I have began to see the layout of the land and all that I have been blessed with and I can say that truly the Lord's grace is sufficient.

Listen to some of my favorites